


Sweden's Kate Middleton

by iftheycare (RedMushroom)



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Deny of character death, Drunken Flirting, Drunkenness, Gen, Honeymoon, Merlin's alive, Not Beta Read, Post-Kingsman: The Golden Circle, Post-Movie, Pre-Slash, Spoilers, bad dialogues, inappropriate use of Kingsman resources, really in need of a beta reader, shameless flirting, slice-of-life, who can say no to the glasses?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2019-01-09 00:12:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12264915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedMushroom/pseuds/iftheycare
Summary: Harry Hart: super spy, shameless flirt.Or also: Eggsy's on his honeymoon and some very serious chat about butterflies are taking place on different sides of the planet.





	Sweden's Kate Middleton

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for this, but some very bad dialogues needed to be written. Also: I'm really excited to tag Elton John (!!) as a character.
> 
> _Warning_ for bad grammar. I'm not a native speaker. I've done my best, but still, I'm not used to write in English and I'm aware that the fic doesn't flow as it should. Please, feel free more than free to point at all the mistakes (actually, that will be super helpful).

The new Prince of Sweden wore caps. That was what the press figured out after about hours he’d been married to Tilde. The pictures of their arrival at the airport, the next morning, were on every local news – and apparently, people found it funny.

However, not-in-Sweden, on the other side of the world, Eggsy was too jet-lagged to understand that his face was on every bloody tabloid around. They’ve just checked in, their luggage had been sorted in the biggest hotel room he’d ever been in (and he saw some pretty fancy shit in his later years) and they both agreed on sleeping the whole day.

Kind of. They were newly married. The bed was part of what they wanted to do for the next twenty-four hours anyway. Eggsy grinned at himself, his glasses scanning the area – not like he hasn’t memorized all the emergency exits already - and bleeping, telling him he was online again.

“Are you coming?” he can hear Tilde from the other room. Because this hotel room had rooms. Plurals.

“Gimme a sec, babe”

Silence. Then “Are you calling Harry _again_?”

Eggsy shot a glance at the clock, unsure of what hour it would have been in London until his glasses displayed the time zone gap in front of his eyes. “I promised him to call”

“You’ve called him in Dubai.” Tilde insisted, but it’s not like she was fussing about it. The girl sounded amused, in a kind-of-affectionate way. “Harry doesn’t need a babysitter.”

True. The last thing he could think about was Harry being babysitted, because he was, ya know, the coolest super spy Eggsy ever met, so no. Harry Hart was in no need of a babysitter. Except that he hadn’t been Harry Hart lately, he’d been a lepidopterologist and Eggsy didn’t know what to do with a lepidopterologist. It was lying to pretend that Eggsy didn’t wonder how many of those butterflies Harry was still seeing.

The glasses were now telling him that Harry was online, too.

Fuck. “Be there in five”

Plus, he was receiving the call. Not calling. There was a difference. Yet, he was not prepared to hear an “I can’t believe this.” as soon as the glasses started to cast.

Harry, from the other side, giggled. Bloody giggled. The voice who spoke wasn’t his either, and if it hadn’t been for the fact that Eggsy was elaborating over the sound coming out from Harry Hart, he would have noticed long ago that Harry was, in fact, facing the camera from the other side of the glasses. Which meant he wasn’t wearing them. Which meant --- the fuck he knew.

“Can you actually hear me?”

“Sure, bruv”

Harry looked up and glanced at him straight in his eyes. Well. Not his eyes. The glasses, but whatever. It felt the same way, so who cares?

“Fuck, I want one.”

“I’m afraid you’d need to be a spy first” Harry replied, and this brought some things to Eggsy’s attention. Like, for once, Harry wasn’t wearing his jacket. His hair was messier than after the fight with Whiskey. He had a martini in his hand, and it didn’t look like it was the first one.

Most importantly, Harry was wearing a pair of orange, glittery glasses which appeared to make him so sappily happy.

“Since when do you drink with Elton without inviting me?” he was offended. Sort of.

Elton laughed, and Harry looked at him again – at Elton, ok – and smiled. As a reflex, Eggsy smiled too. “Boy,” said  Sir Elton John “Don’t sound so bothered. You’re on your honeymoon, we’re giving you some privacy.”

 “So why do you have the Kingsman’s glasses on?”

“We switched” Harry, leaning on what looked like a super comfortable sofa, indulged on his drink. “Elton has very good tastes.”

“Want to trade?” Elton asked, sly as a snake, taking the opportunity without hesitation. Harry paused, serious, as if he was considering it.

“Bruv, don’t take advantage of him while he’s drunk”

“Don’t insult me, Eggsy. No one can take advantage of me, drunk or not” Harry observed, as a matter of fact. “But you do have to come to the next concert. Elton gently gave us tickets”

“And a pass for the backstage”

Harry smirked. Something was going on because that was an innuendo, and Eggsy was missing it.

“That happened after a lovely chat about butterflies.”

A warm burden sunk in Eggsy’s stomach as a flashback of Harry flickered into his mind. In it, Harry looked less like a super spy, more like a human being lost in himself. For a moment, it felt again like he hadn’t gained anything in their last missions -- the losses were more than the saved.

(The worst part is that Eggsy had gained something. He had Harry back. And it felt enough to solve anything else. That’s the scary secret, that a person could be more important than saving the world.)

Harry had adjusted himself on the sofa, crossing his legs like the impeccable gentleman he was. That familiar posture was reassuring, really. “We were just trying to find a butterfly as unique as Elton, here.”

Oh, fucking butterflies again. He wasn’t supposed to feel wrong about it, wasn’t he? Not in that way. He means, they were friends - drunk friends - having a drunk chat. That’s it. People got in weird topics while drunk.

Still, it was unsettling, to look at Harry and find him so amused.  Crushing as it could be, Eggsy found himself jealous.

“I was thinking about an Ornithoptera Alexandrae” Harry prompted, “But it wasn’t quite right”

“Oh yeah.” Elton was back to the liquors, bless him. Strangely fascinating, how someone could be that wasted and still had firm hands while managing bottles. “He knows lots of Latin, apparently.”

Eggsy proceed to ignore the last sentence. “What about me?” almost chucking himself “I want to be a butterfly, too.”

Elton laughed, Harry looked puzzled and his eye sparked with interest. “Don’t worry, Eggsy. There’s still no such butterfly as yourself.” as solemn as it can be.

And that was how Eggsy lost it. At least, he was glad nobody was there to see how fast he was getting flustered. However, his mouth dryness almost betrayed him. God lord, he was a spy and he was not ashamed of the chuffed smile that popped in his face.

“Oh, and we’ve seen your pictures from Dubai.” Elton continued, with the tone of whom should stop drinking right now, completely ignoring what was happening in the matter of butterflies. “I’ve loved your cap.”

Eggsy put up a smile, all proud “Lovely, innit?”

“Gorgeous” Harry joked.

“Oi. Show some respect.”

“Sweden new Kate Middleton was that tabloid front title ” Elton John point of view switched, with Eggsy disappointment, from Harry to a liquor cabinet. “Appropriate and funny.”

From a peripheral part of the audio system,  Harry scoffed “Don’t be absurd”.

Again, Harry took the place of the liquor cabinet. He proceeded in sipping his almost-finished drink. Eggsy could see his lips parting as soon as Harry finished “I think they should have picked Pippa Middleton as a measure of comparison.” and then he added, without giving Eggsy more context “That’s a strange way to look at someone, Elton”

From this, Eggsy knew that a) he was as confused as ever and b) things were escalating quickly. He was recording this for future reference. “What do you mean? Ain’t I royal enough to be a princess?”

“No, that’s not really the issue.” a poignant pause “I suppose your ass is better than Kate’s.”

Okay, now he wanted Harry drunk 24/24. “You betcha.”

“Do you think I should keep the new glasses? They could be a new kingsman design”

“Ask Merlin. I’m all for it.”

“I’m sure he’ll look terrific in them”

“Not as much as you”

Harry smiled again, with fondness this time. “I must look really good, then”

“Trust me, you do.” this awarded him a new pleased expression “I’m recording all of this. For Merlin. He needs to see how bad of a drunk you are.”

In response, he shrugged “I’ve done worse.”

“He did” Elton interfered, and Eggsy silently agreed.

“Then, see you soon.”

“See ya”

________________________________

 

_After_ , back in England for super-urgent-spy-stuff, Eggsy found himself unsurprised when he discovered the tabloid front cover – _Sweden new Kate Middleton_ \- up in Harry new office’s wall.

Harry got some humour, after all.   


End file.
